Brave Socks and Biopsies: An Update

"Courage is like a muscle. We strengthen it with use."  ~Ruth Gordon

You've asked us, you've asked our parents, and you've asked our friends, so it seems that we are overdue for an update.  We are so deeply grateful for your prayers and your big, crazy, extravagant love.  It's been felt and our gratitude is beyond what we can yet sum up in words. 

It's been almost four weeks from my diagnosis and life has been a swirl of appointments, tests and consultations. Even though I have no doubt that I'll be just fine, my fearful-prefers-to-be-in-control self felt like when they dropped cancer into our lives that they should whisk me right off to the hospital to get rid of it.  But that has not been our case.  For me, I've just been putting on my brave pants and socks each morning and taking whatever the day holds.  It has been consultation, biopsy, waiting, consultation, other related appointments, MRI, biopsy, genetics, a kicked up biopsy and more waiting and more consultation. 

I have had five "areas of concern" biopsied.  Three are benign and two are malignant.  On Monday, I will have another mammogram and then a surgery consultation.  I will not meet with an oncologist until after surgery to discuss follow-up treatment.  This is very treatable and I plan to join the survivor club very soon.

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Over these last weeks of testing, we've found ourselves saying that things will be "better"...

...when the biopsy is over

...when the pathology report returns

...when we have a plan

...when the surgery is over

...when this is all behind us

But, once again, just as we learned in our adoption waits and medical journey with Evelyn, we are reminded to accept that "life will be better when" steals joy and peace and presence from today.  That pattern is a victory for cancer, and that's a win I'm trying not to hand over without a fight. 

The detour you are on is actually the road.  ~Vaneetha Rendall

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Prayer Requests:

1.  For wise surgery decisions to be made on Monday that are not fear based. 

2. For the hearts of our kids as they process why the mantle is covered with cards and people are bringing us meals (again).

3.  For all this to count.  For a few people who read my words to do self checks and schedule needed mammograms.  For someone who is following to see that even mustard seed size faith can bring us strength to replace our weakness and peace when it doesn't seem possible.

4.  For energy and rest.

5. For a dear friend's six year old son who fights a very adult cancer battle.

Victories:

1.  Three benign biopsies.

2.  My surgeon is a gift.  During a procedure this week, she held my hand and rubbed my arm.  Our family has worked with enough medical specialists to know that this unexpected tenderness is something special.

3.  It's hard to maintain a good pity party when you are being loved on lavishly. 

4.  Mark has been wearing his brave pants alongside mine in lots of waiting rooms, and his employer has so graciously encouraged him to do so. 

More victories in the home team column.  Take that, stinky old C word. 

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My testing phase seems to be ending where it all started, with a mammogram.  Many of you have shared with me that you've scheduled your first one, or a long overdue one, and I'm so grateful. Those are tally marks in my victory column, and worthy fuel for the girl fight. 

Of course, I must again snag the opportunity to challenge the ladies to do self checks and schedule mammograms.  I've heard from some of you that you are afraid to do so, and I can only remind you that courage is moving forward despite fear.  Both you and I can do harder things than we think we can.

Courage, dear heart.