Weirdness Update

It's a weird thing when a doctor takes a diagnosis of something that's always scared you and drops it into your life.   Your brain starts spinning, your heart pounds wildly and your knees get wobbly. Then, minutes later, they send you on home with a fistful of follow-up appointment cards and a folder full of tri-fold pamphlets.     

You have your first appointment in the cancer center.  You want to hide in the parking garage, but somehow courage flows, and you walk right in, determined.  You are tested, consulted with and biopsied some more.   The American Cancer Society calls your house.  Your emotions ebb and flow. 

You know you'll be fine.  You've seen legions of women walk this journey and earn the pink survivor t-shirt.  Fear is greedy though, and it lurks obstinately nearby.  Your brain knows this too shall pass, but your mom cries and your friends call you a warrior and refer to a battle.  You trust God fully, but you long to go back to a time just three weeks ago when things were altogether different and fighting terms weren't applicable. 

It's been a weird few weeks, people.  There are a thousand words swirling. We are in the thick of processing, but every day we put on our brave pants (and/or socks) and step forward.

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Friends, you have lavished us already with a flood of words, gifts and prayers and it feels too extravagant.  Much too extravagant from the same people who helped us scale the mountain to get Eli and Evie home just two years ago, and then followed that up with care right up to now for all of Evelyn's surgeries and hospital stays.    Through you, the Lord has shown us His extravagant, need meeting, lavish love over and over again, even when it seems like we are well past our quota. 

Thank you for praying and texting and messaging.  Extra grace is needed if we haven't replied or if we've kept you out of the loop.  We want you to know how to pray and when to celebrate, we've just waffled about the how, who and why.  The powers that be set a Caring-Bridge page up for us, but it just doesn't feel right.  Part of me wants to tell everybody so you can watch God show off and the other part wants to shrink back and pretend we never told anyone. 

We've decided that we'll share general updates here, so if you want to know how to pray, this will be headquarters for the girl fight.   It's easier to share all at once, all in one place. 

The deal-e-o is that I just finished more testing and await results.  We are consulting with specialists, and it looks like my first surgery will be in 2-3 weeks.


Prayer Requests:
1.  For my latest biopsy to return with the word benign stamped on it. 

2.  For clarity in decision-making.

3.  For energy and rest. 

4.  For the steadying of emotions.

5.  For every last bit of this to count for good.


Victories:

1. My faith might be big, but my Bible has had a thick blanket of dust on it, so I asked for a new one for Christmas.  These past three weeks, when so many of you started sharing encouraging Bible verses, I've pulled out the pink highlighter and added your names beside the offered scripture.  Now, my new Bible is covered in pink and it feels like this Book holds new life.

2.  Mark comes to every appointment and plays shield, note-taker, question asker, hand holder, prescription filler, and body guard.  He is also maintaining his status as master medical file organizer, insurance advocate and tea brewer.  My love bank is being filled, which ain't bad for the marriage!

Two BIG wins for the home team, I'd say.  Take that, cancer. 

Courage, dear heart. 

*Lastly, anybody out there putting off getting a mammogram?  Might be time to make the appointment. Just saying.