Just So You Know...

Blogland is a funny place, isn't it?  One scroll through Google Reader can make you laugh, make you think, inspire you, or leave you searching for paper to scratch down a new recipe.  I blog because I want to document life, but also because I want to connect.  It is a creative outlet, and a way to reflect on where we have been, and what we have learned.  Lately though, I've struggled with blogland.   People share what they want to share, most often leaving off anything messy.  The problem?  Life is messy, and sometimes I want to go there.  I get frustrated reading only about perfect children, perfect homes and parenting that seems much more effective than mine.  Those blogs that really share are the ones that I am drawn to most. 

***Edited to add that it is MY blog reading that sometimes leaves me wanting more.  For most people, blogs are scrapbooks, and that is a beautiful thing.  It is ME that is struggling with wanting to go beyond that, but also struggling with comparing myself to others whose blog life seems perfect.  Please don't think it is YOUR blog.  It is MINE that I am struggling with....***

Just so you know...

• I often wish it was only strangers who were reading this blog.  I'd love to get more vulnerable.  I'm not gutsy enough to really share, when I know that lots of people that I see all the time are reading. 
• We read lots of parenting books and pray about how to raise or kids, BUT parenting is still messy.  We yell more than we should, and we spend a lot of time feeling guilty for our mistakes.
• My goal is to feed my family minimally processed foods, BUT sometimes I just want to rip open a mac and cheese box.
• I'd prefer to completely remove the TV from our home, BUT my kids still watch way more than I'd like to admit and I watch a few shows too...
• I want simple, BUT often complicate life by doing too much. 
• I'd like for my kids to play with simple, more natural, more creative toys, BUT often feel silly trying to explain that to others.
• I'd like to make homemade bread all the time, BUT have made a whole bunch of not so yummy loaves. 
• I am married to my best friend, BUT we sometimes have weeks go by when we barely get a chance to really talk. 
• Surface level small talk makes me crazy, BUT I rarely bring up the things that are on my heart.   
• 65% of me has let go with obsession with material things, BUT I still want a new house with a perfect backyard, new carpet with no spit-up stains, and a couch that doesn't have milk stains on it.
• I am learning to let go of perfection, BUT I still catch myself wanting things to be a certain way, and being disappointed when they are not. 
• My girls are cute, smart and say the most thoughtful and funny things, BUT they also yell, cry, refuse to share, and won't eat meals that I have cooked. 
• I have big, big faith, BUT still doubt, question, mess up and fail to share that faith.
• I'd love to lead a life of service, BUT most of the time I just think about me

Just so you know, life is messy.  And kind of fun that way.