Bending Low to Build Up (October Article for Ungrind)

She bent low toward the sobs of her sister, a beautiful posture of grace. 

“Do you need love?” A question to the two year old whose face was pressed angrily into the floor.

With patience fragile, I only wanted the fussing to end. But gentle big sister’s words drew me around the corner toward grace poured out. Little legs stopped flailing and a piggy-tailed head lifted toward a reaching-down sister. Then big sis held little sis and spoke life.

“We love you. You aren’t a fussy girl. You are my sweet girl.”

This undeserved, soul-tending kindness was a gift to my drained mothering self. It was a glimpse into the eternal impact of changes I’m striving for. Long term pay-off played out. The feisty, tender, but passionate big sis, who has melted down and erupted out so many times before, was now dishing out the very response that I’m finally learning to give to her. Grace upon grace.

In different seasons over the years, red faced and temper flaring, that six-year-old big sister has screamed with all she could muster. Her eyes showing anxiety and exhaustion, and her words peppered with “no” and “you never.” There have been stormy, yelling moments, and more times than I care to recount, words have flown from my mouth that I instantly wanted to retrieve. Yes, she was only two, three, four, and five, but we share matching mother/daughter tempers. She’d melt down, and I’d hold it together a couple times, for a couple days. But then she’d fuss right over the top of my patience limit.

I’ve got a thing about well-behaved kids. For years as a teacher, before children entered our world, I found it easy to gain control of behavior. By September, classes walked down hallways in lines, shared baskets of pencils with ease, and whispered during quiet concentration times.

But now there are four little, multi-temperament people in my house. And oh, how I tried the teacher-turned-mommy-discipline techniques: time out, counting to ten, early bedtime, spanking, ignoring, yelling. Some have value, but mostly I’ve found they only stir up or temporarily diffuse.

At some point, after heaving around an oversized load of guilt, I realized I’d been tearing down rather than building up. Managing moments rather than heart tending. Then, God gently nudged me toward grace, for myself and little people with their dander up. Especially them.

You can read the rest over at Ungrind Webzine.