A Letter From Us

Dear Mama,

 

We've been home less than two months.  Can you believe it?  Seems like longer. 

 

 

We know we brought a bit of crazy to your ordered, comfortable world.  You and daddy seem tired...frazzled even... and sometimes grumpy.  Maybe we turned your world upside down. Ours is upside down too. 

 

 

This has all been a bit confusing to us.  We were just playing with our buddies in the orphanage that day, when suddenly, you appeared and changed everything.  You sure looked different than the nannies, but we loved all the fun things you had in your bag.  You had tears in your eyes and it seemed like you knew us, but we didn't recognize you.  We didn't know what to think when you carried us away from everything we knew.  You drove us away from our homes and toward all things new.  We were scared and sad too.   Remember that our little hearts are still trying to figure all this out.  Our old life just stopped when you added us to yours.

 

 

You guys are kind though.  The hugs feel good and you take such good care of us.  The best thing?  It hasn't ended yet.  We keep wondering if it will.  This thing called family is something special.  We don't quite get it yet, but it is starting to settle into the deep places of us. 

 

 

This new house is fun.  Everything is soft and cozy.  Tile, bricks and lines of kids sharing the same things is what we are used to.   Here, interesting things seem to be in every drawer and basket.   We like to dump things out and investigate.  We were never allowed to explore before.  There wasn't anything to explore.    Our favorite thing is that when we go places, we always come right back to the same house.  Home is something new.   

 

 

The good news?  We are growing more attached to you.  We just can't stand it when you leave the room.  You'd probably prefer that we not sit on the rug and play during your bath, but we just love the feeling we get when we are with you.  Those little almond eyes you see under the bathroom door?  That'd be us.  There is a deep place within us that wonders if you'll leave us and never come back.    Could that be part of our story more than twice?

We might call everything around us "mama", but in our hearts, we are learning who you are.  You are different from all the ladies who have taken care of us.  Something in us just knows. 

 

 

As you can tell, we require a wee bit of extra grace.  You didn't think it was funny when we stuffed things in the toilet,  dumped toys in the tub and turned on the water, peed on the couch, filled toy dishes with water and played on the carpet, smeared spaghetti sauce in our hair that had already been washed twice, got into the medicine cabinet and ripped pages out of your library book.  There were probably a few more incidents, but let's stop there.  There might be some words that you said that we shouldn't repeat.  And those "child safety" things you just installed?   Probably a real good idea.  Can you keep showing us grace?  We're just checking out our new world.  Deep breaths might be a good idea as well. 

 

 

Keep singing "Jesus Loves Me" into our ears.  It just feels good to hear.   Someday soon we'll learn the words. 

 

 

Just for a passing minute sometimes, do you ever think about life before all this and miss it?  Yea, us too.   Let's not forget though that God's made us some promises and He writes stories with great endings.


Don't worry so much about us learning to talk.  Our ears just need more time taking in all the English.   You sound so different from the nannies. 

 

 

You've got baskets of books everywhere.  We think they might be something special.  The sitting still thing while you read is a bit hard for us, but please don't stop trying.  Your lap feels good, and the cadence of your voice a comfort.  Be patient. 

 

American food is funny, isn't it?   We didn't eat this kind of stuff in China.  Give us time, and please serve lots of rice and noodles.  We'll get used to the rest. 

 

 

When we first came home, you were doing well just to give us all baths and put clothes on us.  You sure have come along way.   You and dad are SO productive now.  It's like you got on a mission to handle it all.  The week's plan on the fridge seems to make you feel good.  That's impressive and all, but instead of an empty dishwasher and a plan, maybe we could just BE together.  When you take the time to hold us, look in our eyes, and react to our smiles and cries, something new stirs in our hearts.   

 

Thanks for the healthy meals and folded clothes in our drawers, but maybe one day we could just eat hot dogs, wear the same clothes two days in a row and dance in the kitchen.  Baba has some great moves.  Sounds like more fun than what you have on your agenda. 

 

 

We get the feeling you'd like for us to sleep a bit better at night.  Sometimes when we cry or come down and stand by your bed, you seem really grumpy.  Remember that we used to sleep in a room with all our friends.  At Heartbridge there were even night nurses who would play with us if we woke up at midnight.  Its kind of scary when we wake up and you aren't in the room.  The good news is that this is a sign that we are attaching to you. 

 

 

And outside?  So cool.  That's new to us too.  Let's go out there more.  We'll try to remember not to walk in the road. 

 

 

You might think that you haven't been a good mom to us, but you are the best mommy we've ever had.  When your head hits the pillow at night, you might run through your failures and regrets, but all we are counting is the ways that you loved us.  Just keep the extra grace coming, for us and yourself too.   It's fun being a party of six. 

 

Love,

Elijah and Evelyn

 

PS: We promise to start sleeping all night, late even, REALLY soon.