Gotcha, Eli

Dear Eli,

We heard your footsteps in the hall and our hearts started to beat wildly. Then, into the door you appeared, and we were undone.  Your little face was solemn, scared. Your little eyes unsure.   I think you sensed big change was happening.  We crouched down and smiled at you, having waited long to see your little self, breathing and real.  You might just be one of the most precious little people that we have ever seen. 

That morning we packed a bag for you, ready and hoping to win you over quickly.  We prayed over your little heart, knowing that a day that was long awaited for us was one of trauma for you. 

 

Our guide, Helen, met us in the lobby at 9AM, a van was waiting to take us to Langfang Social Welfare Institute.  You were in the Hebei Province, just an hour outside Beijing.  When we arrived, your building was large, outlined with yellow trim.  We heard no sound of children, though we'd heard that 200 children live there. 

 

 We were ushered into the director's office.  While she made a phone call for you, we found a folder with your little face on it.  Our first time seeing your little cleft lip.   

Our hearts were pounding inside our chests, anticipating so much.  Soon, we heard little footsteps, and in you walked into our lives.  Forever started then.

We pulled out some Cheerios and a Spider Man toy. 


Everyone fussed over you so much that you just melted into tears.  Then, you realized that Spiderman lit up, so the tears stopped.  (You've since kept him clutched in your hand, and lit him up approximately 789 times!)


We got a tour of your little world, your little bed that would be empty that night. 
 
We found a picture of you on the wall and saw your cafeteria. 

We met your class and took a group picture.  The whole time, they were saying, "Mama" to you.  My ugly cry was just below the surface. 

 
 
 
 
 

When it was time to say goodbye to your buddies, they stood back and waved.  Clearly, they had some idea what family meant, and it broke us to pieces.  We hope they'll know someday too what family feels like.  That experience will haunt us for some time. 


Then it was time for more papers to be signed, while we snacked on a totally fun "corn stick" and introduced you to your jie jie, Claire. 

Before we left, your nanny arrived to say goodbye, giving you a backpack and a coat. 

Our first family photo.


And off we went in the van, together after all those days of waiting. 

We couldn't stop staring at your little face.  You were silent and still, so we held you tight and tickled you,

until the first tentative smile appeared. 

Back at the hotel, we sat you on a bed, slowly removing the thick woolen pants, little blue shoes, and yellow sweater.  We found old pictures of you in your backpack, and your hair smelled so good, like you'd just been bathed.  A tiny smile appeared occasionally, but for the most part, you had a sad little face, so unsure of what was happening. 

Eventually, your eyes started to close, so we tucked you in and lay near you marveling at you so close. 

We've gotcha, little man, and are oh so grateful for the gift.  You are worth every messy, beautiful moment of the journey. 

Love,
Your Team