Adopting in Weakness

Tonight adoption feels scary and my faith feels shallow. 
The truth is that we are adopting in complete weakness. 

Fear and doubt are just below our vulnerable skin.  Too long between updates, another delay, or just an off day can be the scratch that brings apprehension to the surface. 

Most people following our story don't see the full picture.  On social media screens, we appear to have it all in the bag.  Calm, together, and full of faith. 

Sharing news on social media is encouraging.  You post a new pic of a waiting little and instantly you feel rallied around. While adopting, the journey can feel like a prayer that might not be answered.  Comments for adoptive families are always crazy thoughtful, and the support is fuel. 

We've seen that sharing the adoption journey can plant a seed in potential adoptive families.  We've realized though that sometimes this image can also be an obstacle to others.  People see one side of adoptive families, and assume they don't have the necessary chops.  

Please know that we are adopting in absolute weakness,
but in full trust of an infinitely strong Father.

We have not mastered the art of parenting.  Though we try to be intentional, we fail daily.  You might see pictures of us homeschooling, painting on easels and picking strawberries.  We do indeed make lots of memories loaded up with joy.  Know though that we don't post photos of us lying in bed at night weary from disciplining.  We don't share how we plead with God to give us the strength to make the right mommy and daddy decisions.  The idea of parenting four children will fulfill a long held dream of a big family, but it also makes me want to hide under my bed. 

You might see our family at playdates smiling and laughing.  We may appear to have lots of patience, but we mess up and yell a lot.  Our girls are fun and big hearted, but we frequently have to have little "straighten up or we are going home" talks in bathrooms and hallways.  We don't know how our broken selves will parent two MORE littles.  We often hear, "I don't have the patience to parent more than two kids."  Truth?  Neither do we. 

We are adopting in weakness, but trust a God who loves far better than we can. 

Our girls are beside themselves about their new siblings.  The names Evie and Eli are always spoken in their prayers.  As they brush their teeth, they look at their photo on the mirror.  They draw pictures of our future family of six and tell strangers about their sister and brother in China.  Right now, they love the idea of sharing their rooms and their toys.  Truth?  They are kids and adjustment will be a bumpy and challenging ride.  We believe though that more people to love will only be good for their forming hearts.  Mark and I might lose our ever loving minds while they bond, but we trust still. 

We are adopting in weakness, but trust the plans of a wise King. 

Thinking about funding this adoption, and Evie's (possibly Eli's) medical expenses, leaves us shaking in our socks.  We have to give over this weighty trepidation every.single.day.  Our pediatrician told us to, "Let someone with more money adopt Evie."  From a human perspective, she's right on.  We paid for Claire's adoption in full.  I am a stay at home mom, and we are paying for Sophia to go to a hybrid homeschool program.  The ransom required to bring our children home seems like an insurmountable obstacle. I could easily imagine medical expenses taking us under.   I'd rather sell blood than fundraise.  We are doing everything in our power to save and cut the budget.  There will be no vacations, and we moved to a home with payments not much higher than our last.  We are doing what we can, but oh the fear.

We are adopting in pure weakness, but we trust a God who is a provider. 

 

Our faith is growing and building with each new adventure God takes us on, but it is still so small.  No matter how many times we've seen Him provide, we still tremble with each new request of us.   These adoptions feel like a faith cliff dive.

 

We are adopting in weakness, but taking the leap and trusting that what God has planned will be much grander than anything we might dream up for this family. 

 

As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

Isaiah 55:9

This idea came from a most beautiful truth shared over at GraceLaced.