Building Blocks of Faith

II Timothy 1:7 Tells us that God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control.

 What a privilege it is to walk alongside families in the first stages of the adoption process.  There is excitement and great fear.  Your heart fills with the joy of new life.  A face from your future dances in your dreams.  There is great joy, but also a deep valley of vulnerability.
"Can we do this?"

"What have we done?"

You wonder.  Can we afford this?  Could I handle a special need?  A toddler?  What about my family?  Can I handle the paperwork?  Do I have what it takes to be the parent of a child of a different race?   Inadequacy.  Vulnerability. 

Although we are on the other side, we know the fears.  We've had them.  The day that we filled out our special needs checklist, tears flowed, and I was utterly griped with fear and guilt.  My instinct was to hide under the bed and beg God to bring me a healthy, young infant.   Wasn't it enough that we were adopting?  At the time that we filled out the medical checklist for Claire, we could go no further than needs like minor heart defect, minor skin conditions, cleft lip and cleft palate.   Saying yes to those was a stretching. 

In the end, God's plans were higher.  The checklist was submitted and control released.    God was adequate, strong, and well planned. 

He doesn't leave us where we are.  The discomfort is a gift.  He doesn't want us to fear, He wants us to trust.  When we are open, we are refined.  The heat gradually shreds us of our fears, our sense of control, our selfishness, our racism, our materialism, our illusion of what is perfect, and our distractions.  We can only endure it, leaning into Him.   Eventually, learning to be grateful.

With Claire's file came the words "cleft palate" and "lagging development".  Suddenly the cleft palate was minor.  But lagging development?   New fear.   All we could do was trust.  Her face was our answer.  Yes.  Yes to her.  Yes to more unknown.

If you're in this process, and are feeling fear, know that most of us who have journeyed before have been there.  You follow adoptive families and assume that they are more together, have more faith, have more money, or more strength.  The reality is that they probably felt those same feelings of inadequacy.  Their adoptions were building blocks of faith.   Now they stand as hope for those who follow after.  God did a beautiful work and they got to live it. 

Our adoption process was a stretching.  The obstacles were plenty.  We walked through fire and fear after fear.   The lessons were heavy, but the gifts too many to number.   

We are well into adoption number two, and our trust is bigger.    Again, we feel weak, without control, uncertain and lacking in faith.  The difference this time is that we know that He is doing a good work. 

Keep moving forward one step at a time, and your fear will become a building block of faith.