It took us almost three years to decide to go special needs with our China adoption. We were afraid and desperately seeking easy and normal. Wasn't it enough that we wanted to adopt? God had different plans. A bigger step of faith was required.
Looking back, we know now that every step was designed perfectly for us to end up with Claire. BUT, at the same time, how feeble was our faith? Is there really a child in this world that does not have a "special need"?
When we received Claire's referral, we were told that she had a cleft palate. A few months later, we were told that her palate had been repaired in November of 2009. Her palate is part of her story. Her medical "special need" was very minor.
Yesterday, we spent the morning at a cranio-facial evaluation for a sweet girl was has become our daughter. She saw a plastic surgeon, audiologist, social worker, speech pathologist and dentists. She was poked, prodded, measured and tested.
What was her "special need" through all this? She needed parents to love on her, comfort her, and reassure her. She truly was a little trooper throughout the four hours of waiting rooms and endless procession of professionals. She did cry during procedures, and had a look of fear on her little face. The dental evaluation and cleaning were not fun...
But after each procedure, we scooped her up in our arms and held her tight. We whispered in her ear. We wiped her tears. We pulled snacks out of our carefully prepared bag of books, toys, sippy cups and food. We made silly faces and kissed her cheeks. And so she calmed, each and every time. We were her parents, and she was our daughter. She just needed the reminder.
Her big sister was there for moral support and entertainment as well.
I couldn't help but think back. Wondering what her surgery experience was like in November 2009 with no loving parents to calm her. There was no mommy holding her hand, or daddy asking protective questions. Doesn't every child have THAT special need?
Her palate is part of her story. The beautiful thing? The palate repair done in China "looks good". There are no holes or openings. We'll go back in a year, hopefully to hear those same words.
The tests did reveal that she is not hearing well and that she'll need to start weekly speech therapy. Our next step is a visit to an ENT. She will most likely have ear tubes inserted. On that same day, she'll have teeth removed.
Because of her palate, she'll have more tests run and some minor surgery. She'll need extra hugs, kisses and will probably need a few tears wiped away. She'll need popsicles and TLC after it is over. This time we'll be there to meet that very "special need".
19 comments:
What a loving story. Claire has also met her family's "special need" for a sweet child like her to love and care for. She will always be special to us.
Love you Claire!
I agree so much that any orphaned child will have the special need of waiting for a parent. That is so difficult for many to understand, but when you have adopted a child who spent almost 2 years in an orphanage setting, it's not just understandable, it's deep, and it hurts knowing what they go through. This is probably why they have a collective reputation for being both stubborn and strong willed. They had to be their own advocates and their own mommies and daddies at 1 or 2 yrs old. I am so much in awe of my daughter's coping skills.
But it hurt us while we sat in the Dr office in the US, and realized that she was deathly afraid of people in white coats. I love her even know, knowing that she is a warrior of life. Yet she is so cute and charming. I believe because of love, and because of God, and because of our faith, she was kept whole before we could come get her.
I agree so much that any orphaned child will have the special need of waiting for a parent. That is so difficult for many to understand, but when you have adopted a child who spent almost 2 years in an orphanage setting, it's not just understandable, it's deep, and it hurts knowing what they go through. This is probably why they have a collective reputation for being both stubborn and strong willed. They had to be their own advocates and their own mommies and daddies at 1 or 2 yrs old. I am so much in awe of my daughter's coping skills.
But it hurt us while we sat in the Dr office in the US, and realized that she was deathly afraid of people in white coats. I love her even know, knowing that she is a warrior of life. Yet she is so cute and charming. I believe because of love, and because of God, and because of our faith, she was kept whole before we could come get her.
This made be boo hoo cry. So happy that you are able to fulfill her needs and she is able to fulfill yours. Everyone needs to be needed and that is what makes it so "special".
Jessica
You are right, we all have special needs, and every child is a precious gift to be cherished for all of their individual qualities and needs. It does hurt to think of Claire having surgery before she had you, but what a gift from God that surgery was for her! Once again you wrote a beautiful post that gave me tears.... what a blessing you are to all of us :-)
What an amazing blessing you are to each other. Thank you for sharing this journey. Know that I will continue to pray for your family.
From my point of view looking at so many families who have once been separate and now come together as forever families, I see the hand of God choosing each little child to bless each waiting family. The matches are amazing because He does all things well. My prayers continue for your family.
NC Granny
So thankful your BIG visit went well and sure hope the ENT is good too!!! She is completely special period!!! And a precious doll!!!
love and miss you all!!!
Shay
Amen sister! Speaking my language and nodding my head reading every word. EVERY child has the special need of deserving a FAMILY, so happy that Claire has found hers :)
Crying at work, because we too wondered why it took so long to take that step of faith. We were rewarded BIG time. So thankful that Claires family found her and I love the blog header!! Gotta fill those steps up!
yes, you are so right. all kids have the 'special need' of needing families.
so glad you were able to be there for her. it's heartbreaking for me to think of E doing the day-to-day without me. the thought of a baby going through surgery without a mommy to offer comfort makes me want to turn into a puddle of tears.
Rebecca, I can so identify with your initial feelings of the "special needs" child. I remember thinking it was something I just couldn't "take on". Amazing, though how God changes your heart. We are not adopting again, but I wonder how I could have ever thought I wouldn't or couldn't accept special needs. Abby was absolutely perfect in every way except for her emotionally broken heart and spirit but slowly and surely she overcame that. I truly believe SHE is the child God meant our family to have, but He might have laughed at me a little when I got my NSN child who I couldn't put down for 18 months!! I'm so thankful that your Claire is so physically healed and that all her appointments have gone so well. Of course we know already knew that she was perfectly and wonderfully made! Can't wait to see you next week!
God bless you for your caring and love. Claire is a lucky little girl to have you all. She will be loved and cherished not only by you but the extended family. Wish I could be there to help. As always, prayers continue to flow in your direction from us daily. Love to all - Mom (Grams)
Rebecca,
Your post brought tears to my eyes. We, too, waited for years before deciding to go SN. We, too, wanted easy and normal. But isn't needing a family a Special Need in itself? I feel guilty that I didn't see that sooner. Seeing all the wonderful families being built through SN adoptions truly opened my eyes. And my heart. And I am so thankful God laid that upon my heart when I first saw Parker's picture.
Thanks for sharing with us!
Rebecca,
You have such an amazing way of articulating your journey with Claire. I wish I could write with such eloquence! I love all the photos and the stories that come with each post. Know that we are thinking of you and your precious family!
I think you have a wonderful talent. Your words inspire and give strength. Go forth with your journey.
I have been following your blog. I live in the Atl area. Can you please tell me who reviewed your initial med file? We hope to see SN CP CL file soon. Thanks!!! Your blog is truly inspiring.
Love this post, Rebecca! :) Glad to her Claire got some good news, but I'll be praying for the times ahead! So glad you were able to be the cure for her "special need"! :)
Thanks for your comments on our blog while we were away. They were a lifeline for us.
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