A Tale of Two Sisters (And Their Momma and Daddy)

Bonding.  Adjustment.  You think that you understand what those things are going to be like, but in reality, there is no way to prepare.  When people ask how we are, I have been saying "grateful, hopeful, and shell-shocked).  It would be impossible to go through such an emotional journey, and just come home to an easy happy ever after.  We have two  little ones that are still emotional and needy from all that the last few months have brought.  We had a lovely honeymoon period, but are now in the challenging stage.   They are very much fascinated by each other, and have lots of sweet moments (like sharing the beloved tiger chair post-bath), but these last few days have not been easy. 

Challenge number one has been getting a photo of the two of them looking and smiling at the camera....impos-e-blay.

Claire: She had a few days with lots of tears and unexplained tantrums, but is now becoming more at peace by the day.  She is blossoming, and it is a beautiful thing to see.   Every day brings more smiles and a stronger little body.  She thrives when lots of other kids are around.  She clearly loves being loved. 

Claire was very much undernourished, most likely having been given only rice cereal and formula.  Her test results revealed two conditions that many orphanage babies have: giardia (stomach parasite from unclean water) and anemia.  Both are being treated, and should be resolved soon.  She still breathes loudly, but we hope to get an explanation for that at our craniofacial appointment on 11/10.

She does not even register on the American growth charts for an 18 month old.  During her first few days at home, we realized how truly weak she was.  She had almost no muscle tone, which leads us to think that she spent most of her life in her crib.   She is now growing stronger and stronger by the day.  She walks without falling, and can even do a semi-run.  It is hard to get a photo of her as she is always on the move!

She is sleeping very well in her crib.  She takes cat naps in the car, a three hour nap, and sleeps about 12-13 hours at night.  She comes to us for comfort and likes to be held.  She does not like to be snuggled.  She pushes our hands away if we wrap our arms around her.  She just isn't used to being loved on in that way.  She has learned sign language for milk, more and eat, but doesn't use them regularly yet.  She does lots of babbling and pointing.

Sophia:  She had talked about Claire for well over a year.  She had in her mind all of the things that she was going to teach her new little sister.  The reality is that being a big sister to a fragile semi-toddler who doesn't communicate is hard.  She spent the first two weeks trying to hold, hug, kiss, teach, entertain and play with Claire.  About once an hour, she said, "I like being a big sister."  Or, "I think Claire is happy to be home."  These last few days; however, have been rough.  She has been very, very emotional and has spent lots of time in time-out. 

Bringing an 18 month old home, is a much different experience than bringing a baby home.  Sophia didn't get the experience of gradually becoming accustomed to a newborn who sleeps 17 hours a day.  She didn't get to hold her, watch her grow and help take care of her.  Claire is not a baby, but also isn't a toddler that she can play with.  I think either case might have been a bit easier for her.  She has become very frustrated with not being able to either care for or really play with Claire.  Claire is fascinated by Sophia, but doesn't want to be loved on or handled.  She laughs at her big sister, but doesn't yet understand how to play hide and go seek, how to blow bubbles, or how to color.

Whenever one of us leaves, Sophia asks if we are coming back.  She misses her grandparents who cared for her, and she craves our attention.  She is processing through, and actually talking about, becoming a big girl.  We think she is mourning the passing of her own babyhood.  She is also asking lots of questions about Claire's birth mother and about Claire's orphanages.  She is a smart little cookie who truly thinks about things beyond her age.  Her poor little heart and mind are struggling to make sense of it all. 

We are just taking things day by day, giving her lots of extra love and attention.  We've done lots of artwork, read lots of books and spent a great deal of time snuggling.   We are eating simple meals, and are just spending our time with our girls.  The beauty of this is that it is GOOD for her.  We don't want her to think that she is the center of all things.  We WANT her to serve, care for and love on others.   Ultimately, this will be a major blessing in her life. 

Us: Still feeling quite shell-shocked.  We can't believe what we saw.  We are angry with how undernourished and unhealthy Claire is.   We are coming down from the most intense emotions of our lives.  We are learning to have two kids.  We are walking through the bonding process.  (This post sums up some of what we are feeling to some degree.)  We are processing and wading through new territory.  More on all this to come...

So, the state of our union is fragile, but solid and hopeful.  We trust that this rough stage will pass.  We learned through the journey TO Claire that we are not in control, and that we can't do this thing called life on our own.  Now we are trying to live that out while we navigate into our new journey WITH Claire.